A Little UPS Humor...

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (Marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance engineers (by the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never had an accident).

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced l eft inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear
S: Evidence removed

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

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Creative Exam Answers

Car for sale classified from Dublin Times Classifieds

1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf

Only 15 km

Only first gear and reverse used Never driven hard

Original tires

Original brakes

Original fuel and oil Only 1 driver Owner

Wishing to sell due to lay-off

Vanity

Watch the guy on the left... eager to impress, eh? I can't help but wonder if the woman running by did the same thing right after she passed these two.

Funny... or scary?

Diebold Accidentally Leaks Results Of 2008 Election Early

Outsourcing has gone too far...

I was feeling a depressed the other day, so I called Lifeline. I was
put through to a call center outsourced in Saudi Arabia . I explained that I was feeling suicidal. They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a truck or fly an airplane...